A child’s first experience of how to be with another relationally, and how to exist in the world, is through their parents and carers. Parents and families guide and teach their children how to manage and contain themselves emotionally, physically and psychologically which impacts upon their developmental growth. Being a parent or carer is one of the most important and difficult jobs in the world. There is no clear instruction manual that guides and teaches us as guardians the right way to approach things.

Some parents and families engage in behaviours which are unconventional in the eyes of society, which undoubtedly affect their children. When guardians engage in antisocial and maladaptive behaviours, the odds are increased for their children to do the same. A lot of dysfunctional behaviours have been passed down within family generations through normalisation. Children regard behaviour that is displayed in their families as normal, as they don’t know any different.

When working with children and young people, information about, and observations of the family and main primary caregivers’ interaction, can provide a lot of insight into how they manage, contribute to, and/or maintain emotional and behavioural disturbances in the child. Information and observations can also help identify how the guardian interacts with their child, how they function in the parent role and how the child’s behaviour has been shaped. Guardians may become overwhelmed and frustrated with their child and they may need support, encouragement and hope. Often in these situations, they may blame themselves, andy may also feel inadequate and confused as to how to handle their child.

Kalmer counsellors can offer a supportive environment to help guardians see the bigger picture and offer solutions they may not have considered. This can help them to see their role in the problem, along with raising awareness of their strengths and resources. Initially we would meet with carers in the assessment process then a review would be conducted every six weeks to keep up to date with behavioural changes, boundary setting at home and family dynamics. We can also work with parents and children together offering a family therapy intervention that’s helps to heal the bond and strengthen the attachment relationship.

On occasions it may not be beneficial to include a guardian in the therapeutic process particularly if they have an addiction, have violent tendencies, have mental illnesses or a significant disinterest in their child’s well-being. We need to recognise and respect that some adolescents may not want to include their parents or families in the therapeutic process as it may compromise their growing individuation.

As a child’s carers and family provide a strong emotional influence upon their lives it is important to include them in the therapeutic process when possible. It can be an effective way to facilitate change quickly, helping parents to help their children, with a focus on strengthening the parent-child relationship